Filtered
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: He didn't have to see her to know that she was telling the truth. She had stayed by him through ten years, countless meltdowns, a failed marriage, and more tears than any person should ever cry. And she had never abandoned him.
1. Chapter 1

Ever wonder what happens when you wistfully watch an episode of your favorite show over and over until you're crosseyed? This! I am actually toying with an AU story line in which I rewrite s8, 9 and 10, starting with the ep where Elliot goes to the house and sleeps with Kathy. But it probably won't be an actual story. Knowing me, it'll be a group of oneshots following that plotline. I've already started on one for Paternity. It's really fun rewriting them and bringing EO to it. Hehehe. Also, this is my 275th story! Yay! Or who knows? Maybe this is all just a byproduct of my poor demented mind. (makes ghost noises) Enjoy, and please remember to reviiiiiieeeeeewwwwwwww... (continues making ghost noises)

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

"Officer down! Call a bus!"

There was strength and power in her voice as she commanded nearby officers to act, but God, she didn't feel any of that. All that played over and over in her head was the sight of her partner's head going through that window, and the sounds of shattering glass as it sprayed over him. She couldn't move fast enough.

Behind her she heard someone shout, but the sound only registered as a garbled mess in her mind. Her focus was solely on Elliot, on getting to his side and making sure that he was okay.

Finally she reached the other side of the car, and the wind was suddenly knocked out of her as she focused on Elliot's crumpled form. Shouting again for help, she dropped to her knees beside him. His head lolled to the side, and she quickly glanced over him with worried eyes. The back of his head was covered in blood, and the possibility of brain damage nagged at the corner of her mind. But right then, that didn't matter. She would take him damaged and alive over a wooden box and a twenty one gun salute. She would do it and thank her lucky stars that she still had him.

Her training kicked in, and she reached out to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Then she used her free hand to cradle his head securely against her chest, effectively immobilizing him.

The words slipped out before she even realized her lips were moving. "You're okay, Elliot. You're okay." She looked down at him, stifling a soft groan. "You're okay." Her fingers started to sift through his thinning hair, taking great care not to cause him further pain. "You're okay."

Just who those words were meant to reassure, she hadn't the faintest idea. But somehow just saying them made her feel fractionally better. As though by saying them, they would be true. They had to be true. He was going to be okay.

Somewhere in the distance she faintly heard sirens, and she closed her eyes in relief. Other cops were starting to gather around them, but she didn't care. The only person that meant anything, that ever had, was in her arms. She held him closer, keeping her head against his.

The sirens got louder and louder, until finally a paramedic crouched down in front of Olivia. "What happened?"

"A perp sent his head through the window." She reflexively held him closer.

A neck brace was produced, and Olivia moved her arm just enough for them to slip it around her partner's neck.

"Has he been conscious?"

Olivia shook her head, nearly vomiting when the medics carefully took Elliot out of her protective embrace, then moved him gently to the stretcher nearby. She scrambled to her feet. "I'm riding with him."

Not waiting for an answer, she trotted after the medics as they carried Elliot to the bus and loaded him into the back. Careful to stay out of the way, she sat down on the bench beside Elliot's head and watched him carefully. "I'm here, El." She reached down and ran her hand over his arm, then slid her hand into his.

She just wanted something, anything, to show he was still with her. She studied his face as she squeezed his hand.

But there was nothing, and the fear that had gripped her heart squeezed harder. She closed her eyes.

She couldn't lose him.

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The pain was the first thing that registered in his sluggish mind. The entire back of his skull felt as though someone had taken a jackhammer to it, and vaguely he wondered how far from the truth it was. He cracked his eyes open, but there was nothing. He repeated it as fear gripped him. Same thing. "What's going on?" he whispered, his voice low and partially slurred.

Olivia had been sitting by his bed the entire night, and as soon as she heard his voice, she got to her feet. "Elliot..." She reached down and took his hand, thankful when he squeezed it in return. "How do you feel?"

He clung to her hand. "What's going on?"

"You're in the hospital," she said softly, reassuring him. "You're okay."

"I'm not okay. Where are you?"

She tipped her head to the side. "What do you mean? I'm standing right next to you." Something was very, very wrong.

"I can't see you," he rasped. "I can't see anything." Lights danced around in his line of vision. "It's all a blur. I can't see anything." His grip tightened on her hand, and he lifted his right hand and grabbed her wrist, desperate for a lifeline. "Olivia...?" His breathing grew considerably labored and frightened.

She brought their entangled hands up to her chest and held them there, using her free hand to gently smooth his hair back. "I'm right here, Elliot. It's okay."

He inhaled sharply, moving his hand from her wrist, up her arm, then finally rested it against the back of her neck. Just feeling her, knowing that she was right there... His fingertips pressed lightly into her neck, and he was relieved when she moved with him. "Olivia..."

She kissed his hand before gently setting it on his chest. Then she moved her hands to his face and cradled his face in her gentle hands. He was still breathing hard, and she brought her forehead to rest against his, close enough to smell him, to taste him. "I'm here, Elliot." She wouldn't tell him that everything was going to be okay. She didn't know that. But she knew that nothing, absolutely nothing, would pull her away from his side. She moved her hand from his cheek to the back of his neck.

He nodded shakily, leaning closer to her.

"I'm here, El," she repeated softly, cautiously sitting down beside his waist. His breathing was starting to ease, and for that she was grateful. She ran her hand over his stubbled cheek with great care, silently reassuring him that she was still there, and herself that he was alive. They both needed the contact desperately.

"Detective Stabler hit his head so hard his brain bounced back off the front and back of his skull."

Cragen's eyes widened. "How bad?"

"His CAT scan shows contusions to the frontal and occipital lobes."

"He's bleeding?"

"It's not life threatening," she assured him. "They're like bruises."

"Then why can't he see?"

"The occipital lobe controls vision. It's not uncommon with an injury like this for there to be some temporary blindness."

He cut her off. "How temporary?"

"Don't panic. His brain should heal in a couple of days, and his vision should return. He's seeing bright lights, shadows. This is good news."

Cragen looked at her skeptically. "His vision _should_ return? So you're saying that there's a chance that it won't?"

"His MRI showed swelling in the optic nerve. We'll know more in a few days." She gave Cragen a small nod, then turned and walked away.

He watched her leave, and when she was gone, he turned to the glass that gave him a glimpse into Elliot's room. Olivia had moved from the chair to a delicate perch beside Elliot on the bed, and she was holding him close to her.

He sighed, letting his head rest lightly against the glass. It was obvious how panicked Elliot was, but something told him Olivia was doing everything in her power to change that. He smiled. "Good girl, Liv," he whispered as Fin approached him.

"Captain, we've got a problem," Fin informed him, and Cragen slowly pulled away from the window and followed Fin down the hall.

She wanted so badly to say something, anything, to reassure him. But all she could do was hold him tighter and nestle her head against his. She could feel his heart beating rapidly against her chest, reminding her that he was right there. She sighed and brushed her lips softly against the top of his head.

He held onto her tighter, clutching the fabric of her shirt in his rough fingers. He couldn't see, but he could tell that she was afraid by the rapid beating of her heart. He knew that she was trying to soothe him by the way she held him tighter, and he knew that he loved her when she kissed his head. He closed his eyes, not that it helped anything, and buried his face in the soft curve of her neck.

Her fingers absently stroked the back of his neck as she softly rumbled, "I'm here, Elliot."

He didn't have to see her to know that she was telling the truth. She had stayed by him through ten years, countless meltdowns, a failed marriage, and more tears than any person should ever cry. And she had never abandoned him, or for that matter, done anything other than be a tower of strength for him. She was never more than a phone call or fifteen minute drive away, and he hadn't done a damn thing to deserve any of it. He nuzzled her neck with his nose.

She slowly ran her hand up and down his back as she kissed his head again. God, she wished that she could take his pain away and return his sight. She touched her nose to his forehead. "El..."

His grip tightened on her. "Yeah...?"

Any words she had evaporated, so she settled for kissing his head again and holding him tighter.

He sensed that she had decided against whatever she had considered saying, and he was fine with that. Right now, he just needed her. She calmed the fiery rage deep inside of him that burned out of control. He pressed his face deeper into the silky skin of her neck.

She settled closer to him, refusing to relinquish her hold on him. At least right now she could keep him safe and protected.

"Elliot?"

Olivia's head swiveled in the direction of the familiar voice in the hopes that she was wrong. But she wasn't. There was no mistaking the walk, the hair... She ran her hand soothingly over Elliot's back, reminding him that she was there for him.

Kathy came up to the bed, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. Seeing her ex husband wrapped in the arms of his partner... "Elliot?"

Elliot finally raised his head. "Kathy?"

She nodded. "I got a call that you were in the hospital. Are you okay?"

His grip became noticeably tighter on Olivia. Of course he wasn't okay, but as always, he only allowed Olivia to know his weaknesses. "I'm fine, Kathy."

Olivia kissed his head, unsure of whether the act was to reassure Elliot or antagonize Kathy. She was pretty sure it was a little of each.

Kathy frowned at her, then looked at Elliot. His eyes were closed, and it annoyed her. Why wouldn't he look at her? Was twenty years of her life not good enough for him?

Elliot trembled against Olivia. "I can't do this right now," he said quietly, not really directing it at anyone.

Olivia nodded. If he couldn't handle it, he couldn't handle it. She looked at Kathy. "Kathy, I know you just want to see how he's doing, but-"

"Are you kicking me out of here?" Kathy asked incredulously.

"No, I'm asking you to respect his wishes and go back home. He's tired and needs to sleep." She didn't feel like getting into a pissing match with Kathy, especially when Elliot needed her to take care of him.

Kathy stared at Olivia, then looked at Elliot. Finally she said, "Get better, Elliot." She left the room.

When she was gone, Olivia sighed heavily and rested her head against his again. She was well aware of what she was getting herself into when she got involved with him, and she had long accepted that. But it was worth it. He was worth it.

He had always been worth it.

TBC...

A/N: I hope that last little part with Kathy didn't feel too forced. At first, I wasn't going to include her at all. But then I realized that to get rid of her and the kids would be to get rid of the man El is. And we can't have that. There is a second chapter to this, but it's three in the morning, and my poor sick mind needs rest to continue with this evil plot for WORLD DOMINATION! HAHAHAHAHA! (wanders away)


	2. Blind Trust

Finally, the second chapter of this is done! I've had a bit of writer's block, but it's over, and I'm working on ANOTHER postep for Fault. Heh... such a wonderful episode. Now, the last part of this chapter gets a little crazy, so beware! Enjoy, and please remember to review!

**WARNING! SMUT ALERT! WOO HOO!**

Disclaimer: Not mine!

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia stared at the page in front of her eyes, unable to make sense of the sentence she had been attempting for the last half hour. It was a package on how to care for Elliot while he was recovering, and she found that a lot of it was common sense. Stay home, no bright lights... Her mind strayed again.

"Livia...?"

She quickly set her cup of hot tea and the papers down, then hurried into their bedroom. He was twisting restlessly in the sheets, and it quickly dawned on her that he was trapped in a nightmare. Sighing sympathetically, she quickly climbed into the bed and stretched out beside him. "It's okay, El," she soothed, reaching out to smooth her hand over his damp hair.

He twisted again, groaning quietly. Where was Olivia? Why wasn't she stopping this?

He wasn't responding to her touch, so she scooted closer and drew him into her arms. "Come on, El. It's just a dream. Just a dream..." She gently rolled him onto his side and snuggled up to his back, holding him to her by wrapping her arm around his waist and sliding her other arm under him. It would probably fall asleep soon, but that didn't really bother her. He would never admit it, but she had woken up in this particular position more often than any other. She had never said a word, but she loved it. His anger and his pride wouldn't let him say when he was hurting and feeling vulnerable, yet she could always sense when he was. She nuzzled his neck.

The change in his breathing alerted her to the fact that he was finally waking up, and she sighed in relief.

He didn't bother opening his eyes. He didn't want to face it right now. Feeling her chest rise and fall against his back soothed him, and he reached down and ran his hand lightly over her arm. Her skin was so soft, such a contrast from the hardened facade she maintained at work. And it was only him who was allowed to know that, to be able to break down that wall.

She smiled, softly kissing his neck.

He relaxed further into the protective curve of her body. This was a side of Olivia Benson that only he was privileged enough to be able to see. He was the only one allowed to touch her, to kiss her and hold her in his arms. God, he loved this woman. And if he had gone back to Kathy that night instead of showing up in front of her apartment building, he wouldn't be in her arms right now. He shuddered. He was a good Catholic, but he just couldn't go back to a marriage that really was only a ghost of what it used to be. His babies were almost completely grown; they didn't need him at home. He would have only been going back to soothe his own guilt over his disintegrated marriage, if there ever had been one. They had been so young, and it had barely meant anything to him when she had begged him to spend the night with her. Just the night... That one night had turned into a lifetime of responsibility. And while he loved his children more than the next breath he took, his relationship with Kathy had turned from one of mutual understanding to one of resentment over lost dreams and what could have been. What their lives could have been, and how different everything could have turned out if he had just been able to say no to her one time. Just one time.

Olivia slid her gentle hand under his shirt and over the muscles in his chest. Just to hear him breathe, to be holding him, was a comfort she was never going to be able to give up. She had spent a decade wanting and praying he would be hers, but deep down she thought it could never happen. He was a married man, with four kids, a wife and a mortgage. She had her apartment, exes, and a lot of emotional baggage. Then one night last year he had shown up at her place, and before she knew it, he was spending nearly every night in her bed. And the others she just spent in his. She saw more of his kids than she ever had, and it thrilled her. It didn't matter that they were the children of another woman. She loved them because they were Elliot's babies. They were what had made him the man she loved.

He reached down and closed his hand around hers, squeezing gently. Her desire to protect him was hard for her to hide. It had been for years. From the first day they had met, they had developed an almost instantaneous relationship, with emotions that ran unfathomably deep. And the need to protect the other, for both of them, was unexplainably strong. He laced his fingers through hers and felt her smile against the nape of his neck. Even now, she was protecting him, just by the way she was holding him so tight. With Kathy, it had never been like this. He had been raised to protect the fairer sex at all cost, to keep them safe and sheltered. That coupled with the fact that he was born to a long line of cops had been what had led him to his career choice.

He had never let anyone take care of him, even at his most vulnerable points. Instead, most times, he had lashed out at the very woman who was laying beside him right now. She was a safe target to take everything out on, even things that had nothing to do with her. And she had taken every bit of it and then some.

And it only made him love her more. Through his divorce, through too many breakdowns to count, she had been there. Like a tree refusing to be uprooted by a violent storm, she had stuck by his side. For better or for worse. And too much of that had been the worse. Yet there she was, his constant, his rock. She took the brunt of his verbal and emotional attacks, often fighting back with assaults of her own. And he deserved every bit of it. The one thing he didn't deserve was her. He never had. If he had put Kathy through even a fraction of what he had forced Olivia to suffer, she would have left him years ago. And he wouldn't have blamed her. Just like he wouldn't blame Olivia if she decided to up and leave him. Though somehow he knew she wouldn't. If she had stayed by him for this long, she really was in it for the long haul.

She gently freed her hand and resumed caressing his chest, her fingers slowly tracing old scars. Many of them she knew about, but some she intended to question him about at a later time. Some had happened without her there, and some had happened right before her eyes, leaving her cursing herself for not being more diligent. For not being a better partner. She traced a small scar just below his heart, then settled her open palm over his rapidly beating heart and held it there.

He made a soft noise and pressed closer to her, resting his hand over her smaller one. He couldn't see it, but he could feel the difference in size, in texture. Her hands were capable of anything; from subduing a violent suspect to comforting a small child. And everything in between that was called for in their line of work. His finger absently traced a line on the back of her hand. Kathy's hands had always been smaller, more delicate with no calluses or scars. Olivia's were the hands of a woman who had seen too much, who bore more than any woman, any person, ever should. The fingers were long and slender, with calluses and small scars in varying places. She had never shied away from hard work and it showed every day, in her hands, in her eyes.

He loved her eyes. Somewhere he had read that eyes were the windows into the soul, and he wasn't sure about that until he had met her. She could lie to him, but her eyes never could. The soft depths changed shades depending on her mood, but the most beautiful they ever looked was when she laughed. He loved to hear her laugh. He didn't hear it enough, and often times he blamed that on himself. He was the source of too much unhappiness for this woman, but she never complained. He squeezed her hand again and sighed quietly. If this didn't change, if he didn't get his sight back, he would never see her smile again. His grip tightened on her hand. He would never see those beautiful eyes, the nose she hated but he loved, the way she seemed to glow whenever she was around a child...

When he grasped her hand and clung to it, she kissed his neck. "It's going to be okay, Elliot," she whispered, closing her eyes. "You're going to get your sight back. I know you will." He had to.

He nodded weakly as his fingers lightly caressed hers. Why was she even still there with him? Most women would consider him used goods, nothing special. Yet here she was, holding him like she would never, ever even consider letting him out of her arms.

Just what had he done to deserve her? Certainly nothing he could think of.

Sighing quietly, Olivia gently eased Elliot onto his back, then straddled his waist. The only way she knew to get through to him was reassurance that she was still there with him and wasn't going to leave him. Silently she reached down and pulled her shirt off. Then she leaned down and kissed him languidly.

He was surprised, but he eagerly returned the kiss as he let his hands roam over her back. God, she felt absolutely amazing.

Quickly she reached down and helped him out of his boxers. Then she sank down on him, her fingernails digging lightly into his shoulders. "God, El..."

He groaned loudly, jerking his hips upward and sheathing himself entirely inside of her as he grabbed her hips in his large hands.

She let her head fall backward, her eyelids fluttering shut as she cried out his name again.

He desperately wanted to see her expression, but he concentrated on the soft swells of her breasts and teased her nipples.

She moved faster on him, her breaths coming in short gasps. "Fuck!" She suddenly leaned forward and started nipping at his neck.

He slid his arms around her and thrusted upward, burying his face in her neck.

She suddenly clenched around him as she rode her release. "Elliot!"

He suddenly flipped her onto her back and continued thrusting until he found his own release. Groaning deeply, he collapsed into her arms and buried his face in her neck again. "Damn, Liv..." he panted, holding her tight.

She closed her eyes, kissing his damp head. "I love you..."

He smiled into her damp skin. "Love you, too..."

Slowly she turned onto her side and rested her forehead against his. "Think you can go back to sleep?" she murmured, caressing his cheek.

"Probably," he yawned, cuddling her close. After a while, he didn't need his sight to know that she had fallen asleep in his arms. He finally let his mind wander.

He wanted desperately to be able to see again, but if he didn't, he knew that she would still be with him. Even if he never saw clearly again, she would be there to help him. She was his partner, at work and in life.

He would get through this, and it would be because of her.

He cuddled her closer, burying his fingers in her hair. Sometimes, he believed, the only reason he was still alive was because of his kids and her. And it wasn't far from the truth. The five of them had pulled him back from the edge so many times that he had lost count years ago.

He kissed her head again. She and his children really were his life, and without them, he'd be lost.

"I love you, Liv," he whispered, letting his head rest against hers.

She continued to sleep peacefully in his arms.

The End

A/N: Yay smut! Hope everyone enjoyed this, and please remember to review!


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